Friend Faults Woman for Skipping Condolences to Estranged In-law
WHO:
Chicago Sun-Times - The letter writer, signing as “NOT INSENSITIVE IN ARIZONA,” described a friend’s wife and her biological father, from whom she had been estranged.
Chicago Sun-Times - Dear Abby, written by Abigail Van Buren, replied to the letter. The article says Jeanne Phillips penned the column for nearly four decades; it was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
NY Post - The article also described a person seeking advice about not sending condolences after a woman’s estranged biological father died.
WHAT:
Chicago Sun-Times - The wife’s elderly biological father died in a one-car auto accident.
Chicago Sun-Times - The letter writer did not send condolences to the wife. The writer said they had sent condolences when the wife’s stepfather died.
Chicago Sun-Times - The friend was upset that the writer had not reached out to his wife after her biological father’s death.
Chicago Sun-Times - Dear Abby advised the writer to explain that the omission was not intended as a slight, then separately tell the wife, “I am sorry if my lack of response was hurtful to her,” and explain it was not intentional.
NY Post - The article framed the advice question as a dispute over etiquette and condolences following the death of a woman’s estranged biological father.
WHERE:
Chicago Sun-Times - The letter writer identified their location as Arizona; the letter’s signature was “NOT INSENSITIVE IN ARIZONA.”
WHEN:
Chicago Sun-Times - The wife had reportedly been estranged from her biological father for “more than 30 years?” and had described hating him over the years.
Chicago Sun-Times - The wife’s stepfather died “a few years back.”
Chicago Sun-Times - Dear Abby’s column was founded in 1956.
Chicago Sun-Times - Jeanne Phillips penned the column for “nearly four decades.”
WHY:
Chicago Sun-Times - The writer said the wife had expressed strong dislike of her biological father and believed she did not need consoling.
Chicago Sun-Times - Dear Abby recommended apologizing for the lack of response because it may have hurt the wife, while clarifying that causing hurt was not the writer’s intention.
HOW:
Chicago Sun-Times - Dear Abby’s suggested approach was to speak with the friend first and then contact the wife separately to acknowledge the possible hurt and explain the omission.
(UPDATED October 24, 2026 19:05 UTC)
Dear Abby is advising an Arizona letter writer to apologize after failing to offer condolences to a friend’s wife when her estranged biological father died in a one-car crash. The writer said the woman had been separated from her father for more than 30 years and had spoken of hating him, so they assumed she would not need comfort. They had sent condolences when her stepfather died a few years earlier. The friend, however, was upset that the writer had not reached out to his wife. Abigail Van Buren’s response was to explain to the friend that the omission was not meant as a slight. Then, Abby advised, the writer should contact the wife directly, acknowledge that the silence may have hurt her, and clarify that causing hurt was not intentional. Jeanne Phillips wrote the column for nearly four decades; her mother, Pauline Phillips, founded it in 1956.